JANUARY 6 | 7:26PM (US CST)

I ate a salad today. Things were going so well. Then came the chicken bacon ranch fries…

I was having a lot of fun making hideous background images in Paint Shop Pro 7 last night. I used that program so much when I was younger because I never had enough money to buy Adobe junk. I mean at least you could actually buy Adobe junk then. I made so many hideous graphics back then. I think I still have some of them on disks somewhere. I might make a “hideous graphics I made 30 years ago” page.

I’m thinking of getting some diapers for my cat. I don’t know how well that will work out… I was actually looking into diapers for my elderly dog who is having some, shall we say, leakage. Then I started wondering if they make diapers for cats. Apparently they do. My cat likes to spray...a lot. He’s been fixed, but he still feels the need, I guess. I think it’s because there are other cats in the neighborhood that he doesn’t like. So, I’m just generally tired of everything being pissy.

Might put up a hideous background, might not… I did some creating, though, and that is on my “do” list.

JANUARY 5 | 6:35PM (US CST)

I am back for a second day. I didn’t accomplish as much as I wanted to today, but I did manage to do a few things. I’ve been trying to create a grocery list with more healthy foods and less sugar. I know everyone is doing that at the beginning of the year, but I have some serious health issues and bad eating habits are not doing me any favors. Also need to get in more exercise and move myself out from in front of the computer/tv/phone. Would really like to get out in nature more and start meditating.

Definitely need to start appreciating the things I have more and stop comparing myself to people who are in completely different situations than I am. Also need to stop obsessing over things that I have no control over, causing myself to stress out much more than is needed, and letting everything make me angry and upset. I don’t think people should stick their heads in the sand and ignore things that are happening, but making yourself sick about it isn’t going to help anyone or get anything accomplished. I just want to focus on things that I can get some sort of enjoyment out of. I’m tired of sitting around being so depressed and anxious that I can’t even function most of the time.

I deserve to have some peace once in a while!

I’m trying to not be so negative, but don’t worry, it will come...

JANUARY 4 | 6:00PM (US CST)

Well, it’s a New Year, so I have a lot of things I want to work on. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of motivation or energy to do very much due to being sick most of the time. I have wanted to work on a site for Neocities for a long time, but never got around to it. I thought a good way to start the new year would be to create a small, simple site where I could write a little every day to help get my thoughts and ideas organized and maybe vent some of my emotions as well.

For now I will be listing things in the right-hand column that I want to work on, and then I will either be praising myself for actually doing something constructive, making excuses about why I didn’t do anything, or complaining about unrelated things in order to avoid what I am supposed to be doing.

So I started thinking about how to motivate, but I got sidetracked (which happens a lot) and started thinking about this song by INXS called “Mediate.” Actually, I was singing it, that’s what I was doing, let’s just be honest here. Apparently I didn’t know the lyrics, though, because “motivate” is not even featured In this song. However, it did send me off on a little INXS “kick” as it were… RIP Michael Hutchence.

Will work more on goals tomorrow...